why we feel envy (and it's perfectly normal).

There are a couple of things I miss about my old life, such as Publix grocery shopping, not commuting to work and even the servery food that's been prepared, served, and cleaned up. Though these feelings fall more on the spectrum of nostalgia, this made me think about envy and jealousy. A quote on my fridge from Kenneth Koch's "Some General Instructions":

Do not/ You be envious. In fact I cannot tell envy/ From wish and desire and sharing imperfectly/ What others have got and not got. But envy is a good word/ To use, as hate is, and lust, because they make their point/ In the worst and most direct way, so that as a/ Result one is able to deal with them and go on one’s way.

Being envious or jealous must have some evolutionary and/or psychological explanations, since everyone feels them. And so I went onto Google Scholar.

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First, people make social comparisons. This proves advantageous so they learn what traits are valued by society and how to improve such traits in themselves (make-up, bigger house, fancier car). This is a form of RHP (resource holding potential) assessment, and humans participate in RHP-displaying rituals in their everyday lives (arms-race, an arm-wrestle, or even posting an attractive profile picture). Another important measure is SAHP (social attention holding power) which evaluates one's attractiveness to a "reference group". This takes into consideration if I am more desirable to B than A, not if I am better than A. Interestingly, men place much emphasis on physical beauty when assessing SAHP of women, while women consider power and status most important, just like Kanye said. Social comparison, social attractiveness and evolution by Gilbert et al (1995).

This may naturally lead to the feeling of envy. It is important to distinguish between two types of envy: envy proper which accompanies hostility, and benign envy which is closer to admiration. I was fascinated to read that envy consists of two axes: competition and fear, and that envy manifests itself in form of compliments. This paper mentioned that the underlying envy in compliments may be the reason people are uncomfortable when receiving compliments, that they may be "warning signs". Compehending Envy, Smith and Kim (2007)

Envy may be an evolutionarily advantageous tactic. Desirable resources are often scarce by nature, which implies that you have to complete with others to gain access to these resources. Therefore, it is often more important (and smarter) to outdo your competition than to follow an "absolute benchmark". For example, it may be smarter (cunning) to simply spend more time on your project than your co-worker you are competing with for the promotion, rather than spending all-nighters putting in your maximum effort. Therefore, it is important to gauge your standing by assessing others' advantages.

Feeling envious, jealous, manipulative? My Best Friend's Wedding

People feel envious regardless of whether the said trait is desirable to themselves. In other words, I may envy your Amazon butterfly collection, although I have no desire of wanting one for myself. It is interesting to note that people do not like to admit that they are envious. The reason may be two-fold: they need to hide their feeling of inferiority which can be a sign of weakness to others or the secret may be a useful tactic in destroying the others' advantage. The example in this paper mentioned a girl hiding her jealousy at her roommate's boyfriend so she can "spend more time with the coveted mate" without her roommate catching a hint(!!!). In conclusion, feeling envy may be an important survival technique whether to gain the advantage themselves or undermine the others' advantage, by assessing one's social standing and improving it. The Evolutionary Psychology of Envy, Hill and Buss, 2008

What are you most envious of in others? I've been envious of people's accomplishments, but I think they are more benign envy since I recognize that they put in the hard work to deserve such feats. (Also, how would I take away their fellowship or 4.3 GPA?) And, should I be wary of giving and receiving compliments now that we know they are really Trojan horses?